Dirty Sheets

Recently I saw a dear childhood friend post something about not feeling good enough for God after a difficult entry into adulthood.

Did any of us have a smooth trajectory? If you did, stay right here because I have something to say to you too.

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I, too, struggle with feeling like I'm not enough for God. I'm not representing Him well, my faith isn't bold enough, my giving isn't big and painful enough, my light isn't shining bright enough ... enough examples.

Feeling inferior is right where your enemy wants you.

Ok ... now you on the paths of perfection. You did everything right. You are kind, you are beautiful, everything went according to plan, your philanthropy knows no bounds ... you feel that you are most definitely good enough. And if God can't see that, He isn't the God for you anyways.

Feeling superior is right where your enemy wants you.

Not long after we got married, Tim and I upgraded the full mattress he had been sleeping on to a Queen mattress. So of course we needed new sheets. Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere too embarrassing with this ...

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I found some luxurious, high thread count Egyptian cotton sheets at Tuesday Morning on the cheap. They were white with blue crochet trim around the hem. Between Oxyclean and bleach, keeping them nice should be as easy and measure, pour, repeat ... right?

But, after eight years, they have hopelessly yellowed where our bodies lie. It's disgusting. It is time for new sheets. Nothing I can do to them, save perhaps burning them, is going to remove the gunk of living and breathing and illness past.

That is what the Bible says our "good deeds" are like. Dirty. Unable to be cleaned. Ready to be thrown out.

"And all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment ..."
Isaiah 64:6b

Filthy is too mild. In the Hebrew the phrase is actually referring to menstruation. I'll just let that make you squirm and not take it any further.

So even my good deeds are not good enough! Wow. Now I feel even worse. Not only am I not trying hard enough ... I am completely unable to. Yeah, you too Mr. or Mrs. Perfect. I know that is hard to hear. But I'm afraid you fall among the rest of us despite your glowing track record.

God is ruthless, right? Against sin? Yes. But His love and patience know no bounds. He has made a way for our yucky, insufficient selves and we don't even really have to do anything. Don't let some religious organization tell you otherwise.

There's not an Oxyclean prayer. There isn't a bleaching deed. Not pittance. No payment. At least, not from you..

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The only One who could remove the stains of human life from your soul ... sweated out, bleeding, and worthless ... made it so the Father could look at us. Not only look at us, but look at us as clean. Ironically it took a Holy blood to cleanse the blood of our unholy "righteousness."

Yeah. I'm not good enough. But He loved me so much He made me enough when I couldn't.

All we have to do it accept it. That can be so hard. We either continue to wallow in our filth, believing the enemy's whisper that you may as well embrace it ... or we wallow in our filth and call it good and expect to be able to tell God what He will and won't accept.

In either case, you do not really know Him. His great love or His greatness.