Friday, September 26, 2014

Yes, No, and Wait

I'm sure, like me, you've heard that God always answers prayers. That there are three possible answers when we are asking for something ... Yes, no, and wait.

Tim has had several interviews lately, most of them ending in an eventual no. And we enter this weekend yet again waiting. We've been waiting to see what Gods plan is and now we are waiting to see if this job is a yes or a no.

I don't know about you, but I'm not real good at waiting. I'm so bad at waiting that I was one of the few who got the iOS 8 update (haven't had a problem with it thankyouverymuch). But I feel like I'm a patient woman. I've been told I'm a patient woman. And I feel like I'm at the end. My candle is burning low, I see the frays beyond the knot at the end of my rope, the hourglass is trickling ... Well maybe that is a bit overdramatizing... I'm not terminally ill.

I want to shout "Hey God, I'm done waiting!" But then what? It is a powerless feeling to realize that you don't want to wait anymore and then realize that you can't make anything happen either.

I feel like Job ... "what is my strength, that I should wait?" - Job 6:11 (Oh the irony that Job is spelled just like job ...).

"Hurry up and deal the blow!" I want to scream in despair.

I'm trying to find comfort in the Psalms ... "I believe I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord." - Psalm 27:14

Not because I am so good am I patient, but because I am powerless. So I wait. And I hope too ... because HE is good.

"Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord." - Psalm 31:24

Monday, September 15, 2014


In an effort to write more often, I'm taking advantage of nap time (praise God, I seem to regularly have at least about an hour where both children are asleep in the middle of the day!) to say that I totally helped work on the house today.

Often I am caught saying "WE" this and "WE" that in regards to the house. Other than making 10 trillion decisions (and then remaking them when the budget changes) I have:

1. Held up the mega-powerful vent-hood while Tim screwed it in place.

2. Helped carry a long piece of countertop to the sawhorses and then caught the spare piece as Tim cut through with a circular saw.

That's it. I've been a little loose with "WE" and Tim has graciously let me do it anyways. I wish he could see how far he has come in the work on the house!


Last week (Victoria's room)

The color and trim inspiration - the Craftsman we rented in town

We're getting there - slowly but surely. Obviously today Tim is cutting the countertops. Once we get those installed (see, there I go again) and the tile finished in the shower we can have the plumber come finish his part. The things we've ended up hiring out were the metal building itself, plumbing and HVAC, and the drywall (it was actually cheaper to hire someone than to do that ourselves?). The driveway will be someone else, but we just aren't going to have a "real" driveway at first. We drive a 20 year old Land Cruiser - we can drive wherever we want right?

It's a Wilsonart Deepstar Agate countertop, and I helped!

And I let the girls watch TV this morning. Yes, that is 3.5 month old Victoria sitting up on the couch (propped up in the corner, but still). She's growing up WAY too fast. Shelby was too fast but whoever said it goes faster with the second was right. Actually I don't remember if anyone said that. But it does.

Sesame Street is enthralling!
In case I forget ... the trim is "clear pine" with Colonial Pine stain by Minwax. The walls are Valspar Homestead Resort Tea Room Cream, the ceilings are ... I forget the name, but a VERY light blue. The inspiration was how "back in the day" they used to paint the ceilings of porches blue to discourage dirt daubers from building their nests (I guess they are supposed to think it is the sky). And the cabinets are Valspar Honeymilk. You wouldn't believe how many shade of creamy white there are. It is overwhelming, and so many of them seem right until you get them home and then they are wrong. Oh so very wrong. Sample cans. It's worth it.

And my island ... well its a color match to a Sherwin Williams color I have since forgotten the name of. Amanda's Perfect Shade of Turquoise. It might as well be called that. I'm not sure who names those paint colors, but really?

The island countertop is reclaimed wood flooring from when the farmhouse on the original average was remodeled/added on to when Tim's parents bought the land. He's been treating it with tung oil. No, you cannot have it.

The things I love about this island won't fit in a caption! It is more beautiful every day.

Sunday, September 14, 2014


God often gets my attention in the most unexpected ways.

As much as I resisted the allure of pink, ruffled, poofy things and girlish ways ... God taught me it's ok to be girly and like pink by giving me two precious girls. I'm still not really "into" princesses ... but that didn't prevent my oldest daughter from loving princesses. Especially Disney princesses, which somehow have been deemed "Noni." Every Disney princess is Noni. I don't know where Noni came from.

Frozen is of course a favorite (Anna is a Noni but Elsa is Elsa ... and it isn't the whole coronation thing because I've heard "Queen Anna" more than a few times around here). Another recent gift from Aunt Taylor was Tangled ... aka  "Untangled" (Shelby has beautiful curly hair - I guess I say that word a lot).

To say we've been through a lot this year would be an understatement. Perhaps I'll tell you about it someday. For now just know that as my 36th birthday has approached, feelings of failure have accompanied it. I doubt many would picture themselves where I am at 36. My favorite number. This is supposed to be an amazing year, right?

Victoria was taking a morning nap, and Shelby was watching "Untangled". Mommy was in a particularly self-pitying mood and plopped down to watch with her for a bit. It was the part where she is dancing in the square and the sun symbol is all around, including in the chalk drawing she has just finished. Her face is alight with joy. She ALMOST realizes who she is (the princess).

And then, voluntarily, she ends up right back in captivity. She realizes who she is but she doesn't embrace it right away, not really. Ok maybe it's more complicated than that, but my purpose isn't to retell Disney's story - they do a much better job of that.

I can claim the joy that I have at being God's princess, an heir of the One True King. But so often I retreat back into the dark towers He wants to free me from. Instead of dancing with joy and letting His light shine through me to others despite my bare feet, I'm moaning about wanting shoes. Quite literally! Instead of looking to the birds of the air and not worrying what I will wear, I'm crying because I'm afraid God will only give me ugly practical shoes. How sad.

True beauty doesn't come from outward adornment ... It's that joyful light from within that points to His beauty, the priceless inheritance I have as His child that NOTHING ... no government, no oppressor, no hardship, no storm can take away that never rots and never ages.

Like Rapunzel standing in her room and literally falling over from the gravity of her realization, I'm left reeling at how much He loves me and how important my life is to Him. I'll likely end up snooping around the cold towers in my mind again but I pray that He will keep reminding me who I am.

Shelby, sitting on her tricycle, looked up at my tear-streaked face and matter-of-factly announced "Mommy, don't cry. Play!"

Joy. Sheer joy for the taking.