Sunday, September 25, 2011

I will rise ... up from these ashes ...

Fire. September has been filled with fires, both real and figurative.

Though I know God is taking me somewhere and will bring beauty from ashes ... this is not the post I wanted to be writing. About now was when I was planning to tell the world that on July 14th, we found out we were pregnant.

Our personal firestorm started on September 2nd. After spotting off and on throughout the pregnancy, something was suddenly different. Since the Labor Day weekend was coming, the midwife at the birth center we had chosen recommended I come in, have an ultrasound, and we wouldn't have to worry over the long weekend. I told myself in a few hours, I'd be going home feeling silly, but with a beautiful picture of our tiny unborn child.

Instead, I watched as if not in my own body as the ultrasound tech found an empty gestational sac measuring seven and a half weeks ... I should have been closing in on eleven weeks. And so the wait began as we mourned our little one who just wasn't made for this world.

Sunday we found out our physical world was burning as well. A fire raged out of control in Bastrop, destroying about 95% of one of our favorite state parks close enough for "getting away for the day" ... and in the end close to 1500 homes. In town, Steiner Ranch was burning ... evacuated. An affluent part of town in a non-coastal area that you just never imagine fleeing from nature with nothing but the clothes on their back.

BASTROP FIRE_2011
Eerie photo from Bastrop State Park taken by Texas Parks and Wildlife


Even the theme of the books I was reading this month (The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins) dealt with the fire of revolution ... exciting, but painful. [A good read by the way, though a little depressing at times. She kinda leaves you hanging between books 2 and 3, which I don't like ... but she does wrap it up in the end].

And just last week, I found out the the Boundary Waters is on fire as well ... over 100,000 acres burned. It came very close to where we were on our trip, but stayed a few lakes over. While it is easy to imagine Texas burning this summer, after countless days above 100 degrees and little rain to speak of ... but the Boundary Waters? In the land of 10,000 lakes? I know it isn't, but it almost felt like a cruel joke.


BWCA Sept 2011 (109)
Terrifying photos a camper shared on Flickr take during their recent BWCA trip
I stayed home from work a good bit, waiting on the inevitable that never came. My return to work happened in stages, as the slightest poorly executed comment could send me crashing. Last Tuesday, I went for a follow-up sonogram ... which confirmed my feelings that the miscarriage was not over. After a "first available" appointment with my OB/GYN, a D and C was scheduled for two days ago - he thoughtfully diagnosed a blighted embryo.

With most of my initial mourning behind me, I feel somewhat energized by the fact that my body is now catching up with what my mind and my heart already know. I'm starting to have hope again. And while God will bring beauty from the ashes of our personal fire, I know he can from the wildfires raging in places we love as well. As so many have said, just look at Yellowstone. Look at the mythical phoenix.

I know only He can use this for something beautiful, and I have faith that He will. We will always miss you, Lil Bit.


158 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing, Amanda. It's inspiring. Hugs to you.

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  2. Amanda, God is strong enough to get you through this and I know he will continue to.

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  3. Keep your head up, and never never never give up.

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  4. I think this comment is going to double post, but stay strong, Amanda.

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  5. Lots of love and light your way :) You are amazing and strong...

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  6. This is tuff Amanda. Thank you for sharing! Hang in there...I know God will help you get through this with your faith and courage! Much love!

    - Jonathan (Romans 15:13)

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  7. Your strength is amazing, and He WILL use your story for something great. In fact, as you'll soon see, he already has. Your story has reached the masses. You have hundred praying for your strength, and for your future - which promises to be right and well and good.

    We're thinking of you, even from a strangers point of view, your strength is incredible, and you'll come out of these ashes (of both events), more beautiful than before.

    Stay strong, woman!

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  8. Your writing is so beautiful. You ARE strong and will get through this.

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  9. Amanda, know that you are not alone! Your metaphor about the phoenix is absolutely beautiful, and I believe it to be true. God will lead you through these times, as he has always done and always will. Sending you love and encouragement from afar...

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  10. Stay strong Amanda, God is your very great help in times of need. Im praying for you.

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  11. I am so sorry. *HUGS* I hope for nothing but the best for you and your family, as your world starts to heal and rise from these ashes.

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  12. The fires will stop. On the land and in your heart. They'll smolder for a bit, and leave their mark, but new things will come.

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  13. I read a post yesterday that spoke to me, specifically, the last line:

    "So I begin to see that I am undone, so that I can be rebuilt and renewed." (http://deeperstory.com/and-i-am-undone/)

    Experiences, as hard as they may be sometime, give us hope for a brighter future. I say this, knowing that I need to learn the lesson myself today. Thank you for your strength. Hugs to you and your family.

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  14. Amanda,
    I know that you have probably heard this a million times but God has a plan for each and every one of us. Keep your faith alive and know that your time will come! You are in our thoughts and prayers and we will continue to pray for your family during this difficult time! Stay strong and trust in the Lord!!!

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  15. My heart goes out to you, Amanda. We don't know God's plan, but we do know God's presence. You're not alone. God bless you!

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  16. Wishing you continued strength in this. I'm the sister of several who "never made it to the world," as you poignantly put it. My mom says she doesn't know how blogs work, but to tell you she is praying for you too. I hope that you feel yourself as surrounded by love as you are filled with love, and that you and your husband experience the love, peace, and strength of God, who surely sorrows with you, and who will surely wipe away all tears.

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  17. Amanda, Your faith is inspiring and I know you and your husband and community and state will grow stronger through this! Love, Emma

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  18. Hi Amanda,
    You write beautifully about your feelings and impressions of life around you and inside you. There is certainly a lot of destruction. Yet fires are a natural way of clearing. Nature grows back. And miscarriages are a way for little humans that are not healthy enough to survive outside the womb to move on. It is also nature's way of selection.

    I too have experieenced both fires and miscarriages, and can empathize with your situation. The miscarriage was harder because of post-partum depression. In my case the hormone imbalance lasted more than amonth. I was in rural India, alone, and did not understand that it was post partum depression. I thought my world was coming to an end.

    Yet, twenty years later, I am more than happy with life as it ebbs and flows. It is a matter of accepting that all of this is a part of life.

    May you be well. May you be happy

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  19. Hi Amanda, I have been where you are now. I want to let you know that it will get better. ((((((HUGS)))))

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  20. Amanda--God is using this to strengthen you, and I know He'll bring joy from the ashes! Stay in the Word and keep praising Him in this storm!

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  21. I had a miscarriage in week 7 as well. It's tough and what sometimes we don't realize it's not just the emotional-the physical is tough as well. Basically our hormones are still going on overdrive.

    Do stay strong but also do remember to stay vulnerable as well and to continue to talk about your feelings and be surrounded by those you love.

    Wishing you lots of happiness and safety and fertility.

    Hugs.

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  22. Amanda, I have traveled this path. Be kind to yourself. Take time to allow your sadness to fit into your healing. You will be pregnant again. Three babies in heaven I have yet I have two miracles (17 and 5) who give me great joy. The pain I have experienced has enabled me to help others by understanding grief and how it plays a role in healing. Much love Sallianne

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  23. I've always said that the phoenix is one of my favorite mythological creatures. Much love to you, Amanda.

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  24. I am so very sorry for your loss. Please know my thoughts are with you.

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  25. Hi Amanda,

    You have a great grasp on optimism. Your post serves as an excellent reminder to people that grief is a very personal experience that others can only imagine or relate to with their own personal experiences.

    Hold onto your optimism.

    A piece of inspiration that I appreciate and will share seems to echo your sentiment.

    Niels Bohr said, " Every great and deep difficulty bears in itself its own solution. It forces us to change our thinking in order to find it."

    Don't rush yourself through any of this and don't apologize. Accept the feelings and experiences as they come and you will find a way to rise like a phoenix, transformed but not diminished.

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  26. Hi Amanda,

    This has been a tough time for you but I can see how strong you are. I am praying for you - God will restore your strength and lead you down the best pathways for your life.

    With much love xx

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  27. (((hugs))))) from Colorado, sending prayers your way....

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  28. I am so sorry for your loss. I so often struggle with words in situations like this, but I wanted to share with you a poem that brought comfort to my mom and my friend when they each miscarried.

    Our Precious Rosebud

    The Master Gardener from Heaven above
    planted a seed in the Garden of Love.
    And from it grew a rosebud small
    that never had time to open at all.

    For God in His perfect and all-wise way
    chose this rose for His heavenly bouquet.
    And great was the joy of this tiny rose
    to be the one our Father chose
    to leave earth's garden for one on high
    where roses bloom and never die...

    So, while we can't see our precious rose bloom,
    We know the Great Gardener from the "Upper Room"
    is watching and tending this wee rose with care,
    tenderly touching each petal so fair...

    We'll think of our darling with angels above
    secure and content and surrounded by love.
    And remember that God blessed and enriched
    our lives too... for in dying our darling
    brought Heaven closer to us.

    by Helen Steiner Rice

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  29. Amanda,
    I am so sorry for your loss. It seems like you really have gone through a season of tests and trials. I once had a miscarriage at 6 months and was always so surprised that what careless things, well meaning people said.
    I pray for your heart to heal. As you slowly start to see new growth come back where the fires burned, you will see new hope come back to your heart.
    I pray that the Lord comforts you and your husband and that you have His peace that passes all understanding.
    Blessings to you and your family.
    ~Erin

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  30. It's inspiring that you are looking to God for hope in this. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.

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  31. I'm so sorry for your pain. I pray you find comfort throughout this. God can get you through this. Let him love and comfort you.

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  32. Hi Amanda, I can't even begin to comprehend the pain that you're feeling. Though it's hard to understand, I pray that God will use these experiences to bring glory to Himself. Praying for your peace.

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  33. Phoenix is the first thing that comes to mind. Rise up from the ashes. Love to you.

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  34. Never ever ever ever give up. You have so many more chances to have the most perfect baby. Seriously, don't lose hope.

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  35. Your Faith is inspiring. Sending lots of hope and hugs from Pennsylvania. There's no question you will rise...and then some.

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  36. You will rise up. Miscarriages are so complicated to mourn, but keep giving yourself the time and space. I hope you keep finding peace where you can.

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  37. Amanda,

    I agree with Jennifer, you are inspiring. You have an amazing strength within you. You will get through this.

    (((hugs))) for you and Tim,
    Lori

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  38. Dear Amanda,
    Having faith is very comforting. It truly helps through both good and not so good times. The reasons for destruction and loss is way beyond our scope. All we can do is cope and accept the moments as they come.
    I'm so sorry for the loss of the child you desperately want. It's good you believe that everything happens for a reason. You have discovered an embryo condition which will soon be fixed. Another will be on its way to you both.
    You are on the right path.
    With very big hugs for you

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  39. You don't know me, but this issue is dear to my heart. After struggling for years with infertility, we were finally blessed with a little boy this year. I know you will always miss your baby, and always mourn for what might have been. But you will be blessed and made whole, I just know it. In the meantime, remember that it's ok to feel sad and grieve for your loss. And it's ok to take the time you need from work. And it's ok to be happy again when that time comes.

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  40. You will rise. Hang in there. Take the time you need to process it all. Hugs.

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  41. Amanda, thank you for your beautiful post. What a difficult time for you. I'm so sorry for your loss, but I admire your ability to accept it and to find hope. Your phoenix imagery is perfect. Stay strong and keep your faith. I hope and believe there will be wonderful things in your future. Take care.

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  42. You WILL rise; like a phoenix bursts into flames before re-emerging in all of its beautiful glory, so will you.
    <3 from Wyoming!

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  43. Never give up, and keep your hope alive.

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  44. Stay strong Amanda, God will bring you through! Throughout your post I can see highlights of hope in these awful circumstances. Know you are loved and being lifted up in prayer.

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  45. Miscarriages are devastating, as only those and their loved ones who have experienced such loss, know. Much love to you and yours as your healing continues...*hugs*

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  46. Amanda,
    Having courage in the midst of all the burns in your life is not easy. AW Tozer says, "Sometimes when we get overwhelmed we forget how BIG God is." I write to remind you that your God is BIG and holds you. In the middle of it all, my prayer for you is calm, peace and love. Be still. Stay strong.

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  47. It will get better. My thoughts are with you.

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  48. Amanda - our sweet babies must have been too beautiful for this earth. I'm sitting here with tears streaming down my face--I, too, just experienced a miscarriage, and your post not only rips my heart into pieces for you, but also gives me hope that, like you said, He will bring beauty from these ashes. It has been just over a week since we saw the dark void on the ultrasound rather than the heartbeat we were so ready to see. It is devastating, gut wrenching, and terrifying. My thoughts are with you, and know that you have an angel with you always.

    "I will never forget you. See, upon the palms of My hands I have written your name." -Isaiah 49: 15-16

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  49. I am praying for you....I too have babies in Heaven. I know how your heart feels. Holding you up to the Father! Hugggggggggggggggggs!

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  50. What a strong woman you are to see hope in these ashes. May God bless you a thousand times over for all the hard times you've had to go through.

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  51. Life is unexpectedly hard some days, but if you can just keep going, your life will have joy again. God is faithful.

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  52. Sometimes, the world shows us the roughest way to show us to love and to live. Don't give up. You will rise above the troubles, stay strong.

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  53. I am thinking of you, dear, sending you so much strength and love!

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  54. Stay strong, God will get you through this, Amanda. I had a similar experience near the beginning of this year, followed by a series of misfortunes that has yet to end - my grandmother had 2 strokes, I've been forced to move 3 times in the past 9 months, I recently found out I have $20,000 of debt from a joint account I didn't even know I was still on, and I'm now unemployed. The last time I moved, my boyfriend got me a dog. About a month after I had her, I noticed she had a marking of a white phoenix across her chest. I believe it was God's way of reminding me that I will rise from this, like a phoenix rises from the ashes. I instantly thought of that when I read your post. Just remember - He will bring you through everything.

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  55. You are an inspiration and an image of strength to all those who are blessed to have you touch their lives.
    You are in my thoughts and prayers; God's blessings!

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  56. Amanda, I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts as you are going thru these trying times. You are not alone. :)

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  57. I'm so sorry for your loss and for all the troubles. But sending you love and strength to rise from the ashes and find the meaning behind all this.

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  58. Hugs to you, beautiful young lady. ♥

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  59. As a fellow woman who has lost her child during pregnancy, it truly is heartbreaking. Life never really returns to the "old" normal, instead--eventually, you find a "new" normal. Just hold comfort that you will see your child again one day :)

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  60. Sending lots of hugs and love your way <3
    Here from Faces of loss, Faces of hope on Facebook

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  61. I am reading a great book I think you might enjoy called Nine Days in Heaven by Dennis & Nolene Prince. I think it will help your mourning process.

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  62. I hope that you can feel God's presence lifting you up out of these ashes. As someone whose lost two children, I know your pain, but He will hold you as you grieve the loss of Lil Bit. I pray for beautiful things to come of these ashes for you.

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  63. Stay strong. This is not the end. Life is a cycle. You will get back all that you have lost. It just takes time.

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  64. Amanda,

    I'm sorry to hear about all the loss you are experiencing. Stay strong and keep faith that as this passes something better is waiting for you and yours on the other end. My thoughts and prayers are with you, take care.

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  65. Amanda, stay strong and keep your positive spirit.

    "When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze"

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  66. Hey Amanda,

    You clearly are going through a lot right now, and I'm so sorry to hear that =[. Stay optimistic and I promise things will get better!

    Hugs and love
    Jess

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  67. I'm so sorry for your loss! Keep hope and stay strong. You'll be in my heart!

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  68. Hello there,

    I just wanted to say that your courage is inspiring. Fires, metaphorical or otherwise, are a challenge for anyone to face, and you have faced yours with grace and strength. But it is also known that there are moments when the brave face has to go, and I will pray for God to be with you in those moments especially, even as He is with you in every moment. Like the phoenix, you will rise.

    On a lighter note, I also just wanted to say that you're reading one of my favorite series of books, and I love that song - it came naturally to my head while I was reading your post before I even saw the video. :)

    love and prayers,
    ~a passerby

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  69. I hope your world become a happier place and very soon. You deserve to be happy. I'm a Buddhist and I'll chant for you (that's how we pray). Don't be defeated and live a victorious, happy life.

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  70. With you every step of the way. Hang in there.

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  71. Oh Amanda, I am sooo sorry for all that your enduring at this time, big (((hugs))) to you momma. Sending lots of love and comfort your way.

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  72. Hoping the past month has brought you some peace. Peace often comes in the rain. Putting out the fires that rage.

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  73. Thinking of your little bit today in prepping for a benefit I am having tomorrow in honor of my Evie and other angels.

    Love to you!

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  74. Dear Amanda,

    please accept my condolences with regards to the little one who was not for this world.
    I feel grateful that you seem to be surrounded by loved ones so make sure you use their broad shoulders to lean your weary head on.
    As a great person once said; "This too, shall pass."
    With light and smiles from London

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  75. (((hugs))) I'm praying for peace and healing for you both.

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  76. Hello from a fellow Texas sister...who has heard of you via Love Bomb. You sound like you understand that there is a bigger picture, so I feel sure that you will make it thru this time in your life and emerge with greater wisdom. May I recommend a book that has helped me a lot - "Embraced By The Light" by Bettie Eadie. Perhaps the message in it will speak to you too.

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  77. Sending you love Amanda, I don't know the purpose or even if there is one, but my heart hurts for you. (((HUGS))) and peace.

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  78. I admire you for your strength and will keep you in my prayers. I agree that God will make good out of the ashes. God bless.

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  79. I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. Cling to your friends and family in this time, cling to God. My prayers are with you, stay hopeful and keep hanging on.

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  80. Stay strong. Good things will come your way. My prayers are with you.

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  81. Hold onto that hope, and stay strong.

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  82. Thinking of you & holding you in my heart. LoVE to you.

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  83. Amanda - I have not been in your position personally, but my sister lost her first baby to a miscarriage. I remember her showing up at our house one night with her pillow and an overnight bag - looking and feeling LOST and telling me how no one really understood, including her husband. Words would not have made sense or helped, so I put my arms around her and let her cry her heart out. Comfort was all I had to offer her. I hope you feel the arms of those closest to you, those of strangers who shower you with love and those of God - all bringing you comfort. YOU WILL rise again. God bless you, Tim and the little one you lost and will always love.

    2nd Corinthians Ch1 v3-4 "All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us."

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  84. May you continue to hope and trust that everything will be okay. I am so sorry for your loss, and I am inspired by your strength and faith. Stay strong and keep believing!

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  85. Oh hun.... so sorry for what you are going through. Don't lose hope. I suffered 2 miscarriages, 1 of those being a missed one (thought I was 10 wks, but the baby stopped growing at 6 weeks). I am now 24 weeks pregnant and expecting a baby girl in February. Your attitude is inspiring. ((HUGS))

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  86. So sorry for your loss. The old cliche of God having a plan for everything isn't really helpful in the moment, but always keep it in your mind. He loves all of us and has a plan for every life.

    Sending love and prayers your way.

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  87. I can't imagine what you're going through, but I'm saying a prayer for you right now. You will make it through this tough time, and you'll be stronger be cause of it, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt or that you shouldn't be allowed to feel sad. Just remember you are loved by Him and so many, and that you'll make it through.

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  88. Amanda, I know God is taking you somewhere and he will bring beauty from ashes. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  89. Hey Amanda,
    We're all thinking of you and sending our love. Stay strong.
    Robin

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  90. I hope you continue to find solace in your faith and it helps keep you strong. Sending you and your husband healing thoughts at this difficult time. Much love to you.

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  91. You're absolutely right. God WILL rise you from the ashes. He is more powerful than all of the struggles and suffering. I'm saying a prayer right now for you, that you will be able to lean on Him and that He will bring you through this time of sadness.

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  92. Don't stop blogging... You have to let everyone know that you were/are stong enough to make it through everything!

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  93. Amanda, it takes a strong woman to be able to blog about the experience you've been through. And it takes an even stronger one to understand that god will bring beauty in some fashion. You have one lucky husband to have found such a strong and faith-filled woman. May god bless you both :)

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  94. You have so much strength and faith, you can't help but rise from this ten times stronger and with your heart even more open to the beauty around us even in the hardest of times. So many thoughts are with you!

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  95. We don't always know the direction God is pointing us, but it always is the right direction. Stay strong.

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  96. Amanda your post is so strong in the face of these two tragedies and I am sure this strength comes from your faith and within. You are an inspiration, never forget that!

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  97. I pray that the Lord gives you overflowing peace.

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  98. Amanda,
    I am so sorry for the losses in your life. Your title of this blogs tells me you still have hope in your soul. That is good news. Be patient with yourself and your family in the coming days and months. These times will pass but not be forgotton.
    With love and hugs. Parying for more blessings in your life.
    Lu (Drop a Love Bomb)

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  99. Amanda,
    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I myself went through a miscarriage (although in a very different situation from yours), but have always felt that the spirit of the child I lost has stayed with me throughout the years. I pray that you will always feel connected to the angel in your life that you never got a chance to know and that you will continue living life to it's fullest (as you and your husband appear to).
    Blessings and prayers,
    Angela

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  100. Oh, Amanda. I am so very sorry for all the pain you and Tim have experienced lately. Please know that I am sending love and light your way, for comfort and strength.

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  101. You already have the seed of that most vital flower - hope. Don't be afraid to let it blossom.
    Stay strong. I'm thinking of and praying for you.
    Love,
    Donna

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  102. You have a brilliant opportunity to love, everyday. But first, know that your husband loves you, your child loves you, your God loves you, and I love you too. <3 Take your time, let it be, grow, and become someone more amazing than you ever thought you could be. You will <3

    Sam

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  103. Have faith in this tumultuous and tragic time that you are stronger and more resilient than you can know. This too shall pass darling. I'm sending you much love and courage, and I thank you for sharing your story. xx

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  104. I am sending you love and blessings from the UK in your time of need. Know that behind every hard ship is a blessing and one which I hope will come your way sooner rather later - to fill your wounded heart with love and joy in abundance. Sending you my thoughts and love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  105. Thank you for sharing! Please keep your head and your spirits up! Know that God has his arms wrapped around you and your family and although we don't always understand His way and His timing, He loves you and has a reason for everything! Much love!

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  106. Amanda you are so strong. Prayers are being sent your way.

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  107. I think there's already beauty coming from this because your faith and hope are inspiring even in this one post. I'm so sorry for what you're going through but I thank you for your honesty & the hope that you've shared. Keep going x x

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  108. I know you will rise through this! I cannot even fathom what you are going through now, but I am encouraged by your faith in God's work!

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  109. I am so sorry for your losses, Amanda... Your words are so eloquant, your heart is so strong. You are already rising again.

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  110. Thinking of and praying for you in this difficult time, Amanda. Keep your head up, and trust in God's grace. Sending you hugs and love from a stranger in Wyoming!

    Erin

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  111. I'm so sorry you've been dealing with such personal turmoil, both the fires and the devastating loss of your baby. Sending you love and strength, and rememberning your Lil Bit with you xx

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  112. I loved the Hunger Games series, too. Katniss is a great example of resilience. I've found in my life that periods of great sorrow expand my capacity for love and joy. I'm so sorry for what you have to go through now, and you're in my prayers. There will be light, love, and joy in abundance waiting for you at the end of the tunnel.

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  113. Amanda,

    Fire is the great purifier, the great refiner, it leaves only truth. It is is rebirth. I can only imagine what you are going through right now, but there will be a new dawn, and it will be so beautiful. Lots of love and prayers as you walk through the fire. God bless you and carry you. You will rise from the ashes

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  114. Amanda you are experiencing some tough times right now.You will heal and Mother nature will heal the earth.Miscarriages are heartbreaking. My sister had 3 and in between had 2 beautiful boys who are now adults. Nature took it's course with you. It wasn't meant to be. Hang in there things will get better!

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  115. May your faith see you through this, Amanda. <3

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  116. This brings to mind a blog post I wrote a few months back about God's diamonds.
    "A single piece of ordinary coal. Black. Dirty. Nothing special.
    Over thousands of years, even millions, that plain piece of coal is put under tremendous pressure and exposed to 700 degree heat. Its a delicate balance. If the conditions are not just right, the coal becomes graphite. Another ordinary element. But with exactly the right environment, that little lump of coal becomes something truly special. A glittering, beautiful treasure. "
    I think God gives struggles to those He considers worthy of becoming His most precious treasures, His diamonds.
    Our heartache and the pain that we go through in this life only serves to bring us closer to the beauty He already knows is hidden within our ordinary facades.
    Praying for you to realize your potential and that you continue to have faith in God's power to help you rise from the ashes a glittering diamond in the rough.

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  117. So sorry for your loss.. been praying for you today. "When my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.." (Psalm 61:2)

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  118. "We acquire the strength we have overcome." Ralph Waldo Emerson

    As cliche as it sounds, what doesn't kill you does indeed make you stronger. And I have found that when you lose something, it makes you appreciate what you have left. May you find many things that you are grateful for every day. Sending you good vibes:)

    Peace and love

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  119. Amanda, future is waiting for you, and may God always be with you.

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  120. Amanda, thank you for sharing. Thinking of you as you are facing these enormous challenges. Kim

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  121. Amanda, Your faith through these tough times are so inspiring. And I know for a fact that God would never make you go through bad times without knowing that there are so many good things in store for you. Stay strong and remember you are loved! I have no doubt that your phoenix will rise from these ashes.

    P.S.- I also love the Hunger Games! Great series!

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  122. Hugs Amanda to you and your husband. I am so sorry for your loss. Keep strong and through love and positive thoughts you will be able to handle this situation. Allow yourselves to feel the love that is being sent your way from people who care.

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  123. Amanda,
    I want you to know that I am amazed by your faith through these trials. I pray that you are continually comforted and strengthened by the One who breathed the stars...for He is ever with you. I know we seldom get our answers this side of Heaven, but I am praying you will find peace.

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  124. Stopping by to drop a love bomb and to say I am so sorry for you loss. Praying for you!

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  125. The example you set through your continued faith and strength in the face of adversity is both motivating and inspiring. Even as difficulties touch your life, your faithful and hopeful response touches many others. You are in my prayers.

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  126. I'm so sorry for your losses. You are incredibly strong to go through so many fires at once. Just remember that one day they will be put out, and everything will be at peace again, and then start to rise. I love the song you posted at the end of the post - it's inspiring. I hope you find more happiness in the future.

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  127. May you rise in beauty and strength as you move forward on the path He has drawn before you. And may you be surrounded by the love and comfort of His presence during this and every hour.

    Big love from the Heart of Texas!
    Tina

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  128. Dear Amanda,

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Your writing is beautiful and I appreciate your faith. I'm praying for all good things for you and your husband.

    Sending lots of love and ((((hugs)))) from Colorado Springs,
    Deb

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  129. I know the pain you are feeling. God heals all pain, trust in Him and his plan. And don't fear the power of crying, it helps.

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  130. God bless you, Amanda. Stay strong, and you will indeed rise from the ashes.

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  131. Amanda,

    Your story is beautiful. It is beautiful because it proves that we, as humans, need a rescuer, a redeemer, a lover, a comforter. And its beautiful that you have faith that beauty will come out of the ashes. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the song you posted. It is the song I wake up to everyday. I am praying and believing that God is going to use you and this story in big ways. Know you are loved and being prayed over. "Our God is healer awesome in power!"

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  132. Stay strong and keep your head up!

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  133. Amanda,
    I have been where you are, in the sense of losing a child that has yet to be born. 6 years ago, my husband and I experienced the tragedy of going to our 12 week appointment only to find no heartbeat during the ultrasound. There are no words to describe that heartache. And no one who has experienced it can know it truly, I think.
    Please know that it is temporary and God willing, you will one day have a beautiful, healthy family of your own. We now have been blessed with two healthy, wonderful children whom we are beyond grateful for every day. Life always has it's way of working out in the end, no matter what. You are strong and you are willing, that's all that's needed to make the best of what's to come.
    Lots of love,
    Jen

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  134. Dear AManda,

    I'm sorry for your loss. You are very strong and will soon feel better. You are in my prayers.
    Sending lots of love!
    Cova

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  135. amanda-im holding you and tim in my heart and wishing you much love and goodness.
    sending lots of healing energy from portland, oregon
    xx
    jenn

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  136. I am sorry for the loss of your baby. Holding you close in prayer...

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  137. You are an amazing woman. God Bless you!!!

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  138. Amanda, I'm sorry for your loss :-( Sending love, hugs and prayers your way. I hope Texas is healing after the fires too.
    -Sara

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  139. Whilst it may not seem like it now, good things always always always come out of bad. Allow yourself to mourn but always know that happiness is waiting for you on the other side. Blessings and prayers to your family, I am so sorry for what you have gone through.

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  140. Dear Amanda,
    I wish I was closer so I could give you both a hug, and tell you both it's going to be okay. You sound like an amazing couple. You will make it through these tough times, together. Give yourselves time to heal, emotionally and physically and keep the hope that you have in your hearts alive.
    Sending you lots of love and hugs from Utah!
    gina

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  141. Dear Amanda,

    You have been through a horrific time in your life... I cannot imagine how empty you must have felt. It is so amazing that you are trusting God and looking for the beautiful things He has for you in the future! You are so right, He will take care of you. He is carrying you through this darkness right now, holding you closely. He will be with you ALWAYS. I will pray for your body, mind, and heart to heal. It will take time.
    Take care...
    Amy

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  142. Amanda,

    I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for sharing. Know that you are loved and cared about.

    Love from Alberta,

    Stephen

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  143. Sending you love and prayers from Toledo, Ohio!

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  144. I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that the Lord will continue to bless you and keep you through all of this. I am completely blessed by this song that you have posted! Thank you.

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  145. Amanda, I am so sorry to hear about your losing the baby and the hard time you have been having recently. Sending love and thinking of you from Celia in New Zealand

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  146. Im sorry this happened to you, I hope it gets better someday.

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  147. Amanda, I cannot even begin to imagine the pain you felt with your miscarriage. Though I am friends with women who have had to deal with this tragedy, I've never experienced it myself. So all I will say to you is that I'm praying for you, and praying for the healing of your heart and your beloved locations.

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  148. Hi Amanda,

    I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby, as well as the devastation the fire has left in your area. I am no stranger to both of these issues, having lost 2 babies myself, and having my house burn down as a teenager.

    I wanted to share with you my speech from a candlelight vigil I organized for October 15, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day:

    This event, and the issue of pregnancy loss, is one that is very near and dear to my heart. I myself have lost 2 babies through miscarriage, and 3 years ago, we lost our niece Sophia, who was stillborn at 40 weeks - on the day she was due to be welcomed into the world actually. No one can prepare you for the loss of a child. No one can explain the moment of sheer despair, heartbreak, guilt, anger and all consuming sadness that occurs instantaneously with the words “I’m sorry – your baby has died”; this moment will be etched in your memory forever. And no one can ever measure the amount of pure love you had and continue to have for your baby – even if you never got to meet them, or were only able to hold them for a short while.

    I found a quote the other day: “Pain shared is pain halved.” I love this quote. It’s absolutely true. Losing a child can be an amazingly lonely time. Grief is not as understood in our society, as it is in other cultures. Mourners are expected to recover quickly from their loss, and to “get over it”, especially if their loss is early in a pregnancy. But as we know, there is no timeframe on grief and that grief does not discriminate on the age of the child or the length of the pregnancy. The healing process takes time, and is different for each person. Those who have lost a child need freedom to talk about their loss, and as the quote says, by sharing your pain, some of this pain is taken away. And what most people don’t understand is that when you lose a child, you lose a future with that child as well. It’s not just the baby that you are mourning; it’s all the firsts that you’re never going to have. The first breath, the first smile, the first birthday, the first time they skin their knee and need you to kiss it better, the first time they get their heart broken by their girlfriend, the first time they’re heading to college, give you a hug and say, “I love you” – you’ll never get to experience this. We’ll always wonder about who they would have become, what they would have looked like as they grew up, and how our lives would have been different with them here with us. This is what we’ve lost.



    Gone Too Soon

    This was a life that hardly begun
    no time to find your place in the sun
    no time to do all you could have done
    but we loved you enough for a lifetime

    No time to enjoy the world and its wealth
    No time to take life down off the shelf
    no time to sing the song of yourself
    though you had enough love for a lifetime

    Those who live long endure sadness and tears
    but you'll never suffer the sorrowing years
    no betrayel, no anger
    no hatred, no fears
    Just love, only love in your lifetime..
    ~Authour Unknown

    I hope what I have written will provide some healing, as well as have others understand what those of us who have lost a child, have actually lost.

    Sending love and hugs from Canada,

    Julie

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  149. Amanda, I am so sorry for all the loss you have experienced but am in awe of your hope, faith and strength. You will be in my prayers.

    Angie xxxx

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  150. Amanda, my thoughts are with you. You are so strong and your hope is inspirational. Thank you for sharing xxx

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  151. Hi Amanda, I really don't know what it feels like for you right now BUT i do know that there is going to be so much good stuff about to happen. Out of suffering emerges the strongest souls. Thinking of you. Much love xx

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  152. Hi Amanda, I personally know the pain of having a miscarriage and corny though it is this really helped me. My mum always told me that babies that don't make it into this world are the ones that God found too special to allow to enter our human world so he called them back while they were still angels. Your little angel is resting up in heaven right now knowing just how much you love them. Stay strong and know it's not a prediction for future pregnancies which also helped me. God bless x

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  153. Amanda, I am so sorry for your loss! I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers! And wishing lots of peace!

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  154. Hi Amanda,
    Stay strong. Sending you love <3 and hope from Oklahoma!

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  155. Stay strong, sister. Everything happens for a reason, and that reason is usually for the best, so try to be patient. You are a strong, beautiful woman who WILL see happiness again. In the meantime, my prayers are with you <3

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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment! I am thankful you were here!