Wednesday, June 23, 2010

This is LIFE

June 2010 has simply beat me up. I can't wait for the day I can look back, laugh, and say "OH my gosh I'm so glad that's over!" The funny thing is, even as I say that, I realize it could be so much worse. I have my health, my relationship with my wonderful, God-seeking, strong boyfriend seems to grow every day, and I've met a small group of people at church who really seem to care.

Hard as I tried to be open minded about Dallas - I just don't like it. Five lanes of traffic going 80 miles an hour ... I like to speed, but out on the open road! Sometimes I just want to laugh as I approach intersections. It seems the average vehicle changes lanes twice within the last 20 yards before they absolutely have to come to a stop.

I was fooling myself thinking it would be a little cooler up here. Somehow, it seems it has been HOTTER three hours north than it has been in Austin! Nevermind the "air quality alerts" ... so far they are 4 to 1 with DFW in the lead.

My lovely little country community - well, the highway is becoming three lanes on each side not even 100 yards from my door. On the afternoons I work out, I sometimes wait 3-4 minutes for an opening to make the right turn exiting the parking lot.

There are a LOT of golf courses. I don't play golf. "Hiking" means walking on a sidewalk. Park means a place with baseball or soccer fields.

Work is ... different. I'm not going to go into detail since this is a public blog ... but I'll just say it is vastly different than it was in Austin even though I'm working for the same place doing the same thing. I've started getting the Sunday blues again ... and I didn't have those the entire time I was in Austin.

While I am excited and hopeful about what God has in store for me and my boyfriend - I can't help the ugly jealousy that rises in the back of my throat like bile as it seems every time I turn around another friend enters a stage of life I'm longing for. I WANT to be excited and happy for them, and deep in my heart I am, but the impish negative self talk just grabs onto those less than positive feelings and runs wild. So I run to God and His word, to fill up on the truth that shuts those voices up.

And it reminds me that this is LIFE. Life happening, challenging me, making me grow closer to my team ... my God, my family, my family-to-be, my true friends. Refiner's fire ... my heart's one desire ... God uses trials as opportunities. I need to be running to Him constantly, so I am thankful for the things I can't handle that keep me coming to Him.

Life is one day, one moment, at a time. I am sure to be overwhelmed if I try to look far ahead and think "How much longer does it have to be like this?" It makes me want to wail! But if I just take today. Today was an ok day. As of this morning, I've lost almost 15 lbs. ... that's one bouncy dog or a fat cat!

Next weekend, both our families are getting together in one of my favorite places (Aggieland!) to watch my man play hockey. What could be more fun? And in September, I get to go see the place he grew up and canoe the Boundary Waters together ... an adventure in the wilderness (and two weeks away from work!).

God is good, even when I'm having a pity party and don't want to recognize it. My new goal is to journal, however briefly, on a more regular basis about something I'm thankful for. Today - I'm thankful for the recent success in becoming a healthier me. Yay God, thank you for creating this amazing thing we call the human body, thank you for teaching me how it works, and for giving me the tools and knowledge to do what is necessary to get it into its best possible condition. Thank you for the abundance of healthy fruits, vegetables, and tasty things so readily available in this land truly flowing with milk and honey ... and maybe a little chocolate too.

2 comments:

  1. thanks for your honesty and humble attitude...you are not alone in the temptations of envy/jealousy and the struggle to re-focus back to Christ and to appreciate what He is doing in your own life. it's hard. i'm praying for you.

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  2. I will take this as your prayer request. I will pray that you will look back and remember how much you loved this year - all the changes in your own life and where they lead - you tried on a ring for heaven sake! I am a little jealous - remembering back to that excitement.
    Just keep in mind, God always uses the desert to grow us and prepare us for an oasis that is found only in him.

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