Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Devastation

This morning, I had what was no small disappointment. I'd been planning for today for at least weeks, if not a month, and found out this morning that circumstances beyond my personal control were ending that at the last minute.

My first thought was "I'm so devastated." Really? Devastated? I don't like to think of myself as a drama queen - but that eloquent little voice in my head sure can be sometimes.

There are two definitions of the word "devastate" at Dictionary.com. The first - "to lay waste, destroy." I'm not destroyed! I'm definitely still here. Could I choose to let my disappointment lay waste and destroy? Absolutely. I could waste the entire day laying in bed and crying. I could destroy a friendship over the first very human disappointment we've encountered. Instead - I'm choosing to be forgiving and try to understand. I'm holding back the poisoned barbs of words that I'm tempted to fling before fully understanding what happened.

Instead, I'm doing today what I had planned to do tomorrow. If I waste today, then I've wasted tomorrow as well. I'm still off work tomorrow - and its entirely possible my plans could be picked up then. Or I could just go into work and not waste my time off feeling sorry for myself. I'm being thankful that I'm no longer studying organic chemistry like the poor girl sitting across from me in the Honda waiting room.

The second definition is "to overwhelm, confound, stun." Ok, maybe in that sense my initial reaction could be described as devastation. Except that the news that my plans were being scrambled was not the news that I or someone I love has cancer, that my car is falling apart and not covered by the extended warranty, that I've lost my job, or so many other much more important things.

Not that this wasn't important. And I will be devastated if this wasn't an isolated incident, which I believe it was. I just wish it didn't have to be today. But I'm not devastated. I'm just living life as a human with all the fun emotions, broken plans, and grinding gears that come with it. Would I want it any other way?

1 comment:

  1. 'Instead, I'm doing today what I had planned to do tomorrow. If I waste today, then I've wasted tomorrow as well.

    'I'm just living life as a human with all the fun emotions, broken plans, and grinding gears that come with it'

    'Matthew 6:34 (New American Standard Bible)

    34"So do not (A)worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.'


    Happy Sunday, Amanda.

    Russ:)

    ReplyDelete

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